Of Cats and Spiders


People, this is not an Avengers film. The trailers set it up as one and the box office is treating it as one but eventually it is just a Captain America film, and like all Captain America films it’s all about Bucky Rogers Barnes.

A guy on letterboxd ranked all the superheros appearing in the film. I liked the idea and I promised to copy it but I couldn’t do that (I mean you can compare Vision with Scarlet Witch but how do you then compare them with Iron Man and Captain America), so I am ranking the different aspects of the movie instead.

Cap’s bulging muscles > Music video vibe of the place titles > Chadwick Boseman’s accent > Tom Holland’s Peter Parker > Nick Fury’s absence > Aunt May’s face > Zemo pronouncing dutiful as a rhyme of beautiful > Young CGI Tony > My observation that Ant-Man treats hot wheels the same way  Jason Bourne treats stationery > Sharon Carter’s transitions from there’s something not right about her face to attractive to back again > John Slattery’s Howard Stark > Tony’s melodrama right out of a Spanish daytime soap > Tom Holland’s talkie-talkie Spider-Man >  Scarlett Johansson’s wig.

There’s nothing special about the plot per se. It’s just victims from Sokovia and Wakanda making their way through the grieving process. Wakandans want the superheros supervised, Sokovians want them gone. Both of them lead to the same thing- conflict between Cap and Iron Man.

The fight between Cap and Iron Man is way more brutal and conclusive than that between Superman and Batman. Makes you wish Lex Luthor was hyping up this fight instead.

Full disclosure: The superhero I was most looking forward to was Ant-Man, not his cousin Spider-Man.

Slyest bit of the movie: Black Panther, inspired by a cat, expressing his interest in and urging on a cat fight.

P.s: If you are anything like me, you may have been tempted to skip the middle para but that’s the heart of the matter.


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