More of the same, said the fools


I like Andrew Garfield and I like Emma Stone. What I don’t like is them wasting their considerable talents doing a “new” Spidey flick year in year out (third one’s scheduled for 2016, and the fourth’s for 2018). Just imagine for a moment how much better a normal romantic film built on their chemistry and how much better any other kind of movie with their presence would be, and cry at this misuse.

Now, there are different ways to rank countries. You can rank them on the basis of their GDP, their per capita incomes, their carbon dioxide emissions, their coal consumptions, their dependency and working population ratios… but for this post, I am going to rank them on the basis of how they received this regurgitated concoction of bland special-effects driven looking-to-capitalize-on-the-naivety-of-international-audiences drivel.

Here’s the order then:  Japan > Australia > USA >  India > Hong Kong = Malaysia = Indonesia.

Japan is a country that ranks well on many indicators, and I am particularly happy to say that it tops this list as well. Amazing Spider-Man 2 (just typing the name makes me shudder) opened in Japan at number 4!

They gave their no.1 spot to a month-old Frozen, and their next two spots to some unknown local movies. I call that being dignified.

Australia is the second best country by our ranking because it spent time deciding between the new Spidey flick and a chick-flick starring Cameron Diaz, Leslie Mann and Kate Upton, and chose to go with the chick-flick (a chick-flick that’s so bad it doesn’t even pass the Bechdel test). It therefore gives me great glee in repeating that ASM2 was seen by a fewer number of people than this other film called The Other Woman.

All said and done, USA is the hole that keeps birthing such monstrosities. The country’s like that tear in the earth’s crust below Pacific Ocean through which the Kaiju keep coming. Over the recent years though, the citizens of America have shown themselves to be more discerning than the rest of the planet’s. They’ve rejected films more readily than the average international audiences. So I put some faith in their land, and they have responded to my faith like I was a Christian film. ASM2’s opening night collections were worse than the 2nd Captain America’s. Given how much more popular Spider-Man is as a super-hero, that’s a damning verdict on this continuing rehash business. And to make matters worse, more than half of the audiences who showed up confessed to being there only because they were fans of Dane DeHaan. Also, the first weekend of May is kind of a big-deal at the American Box Office. This year, “the Top 20 slumped to the worst showing in eight years for the first weekend of May”, and that’s in large part due to the failure of ASM2 to carry the marquee date. ASM2 is now set to be the least grossing Spider-Man film in America. Well done, Yankees. That’s our no.3 country then.

India appallingly gave it the best opening to any US film, and the trio of Malaysia, Indonesia and Hong Kong saw it fit to hand over their records of biggest ever opening to it. So, they duly come up at the bottom.

Disclaimer: I haven’t seen the movie.


2 thoughts on “More of the same, said the fools

  1. I thought the first film was appalling to say the least. The second was is okay and that is because of the lead pair like you rightly said. Emma Stone and Garfield, especially Ms. Stone is too good to be in drivel like this.

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