In light of opening week’s sub-par returns, many fantasy managers have turned to science for help. They are reportedly seeking the aid of psychiatrists* to help pin down the reasons behind short-term memory loss. In the long run, ‘short-term memory loss’ has been found to lead to behavioral discrepancies like not including players in fantasy teams even though they might have served the cause very well in the past season or in some extreme cases, the past gameweek.
Based on stats coming in, the majority of these disgruntled souls seem to be afflicted by, what the specialists are now calling, ‘The Chelsea Chaste Syndrome’. The affected fantasy managers, when affronted by our personnel, were at a loss to account for the absence of players like Drogba, Malouda in their teams. What makes this study fascinating is about 95% of these managers had at least one of the two in their teams for the majority of last season, 55% amazingly had both. This bizzare behavior would have gone unnoticed had Chelsea failed to score more than twice, say our in-house medical counsel.
Our football pundits, meanwhile, have taken the wholesale liberty to question the sanity of these people. Last time we heard from them, they were busy preparing a press-release to rubbish the ‘Chelsea Chaste Syndrome’ as an insidious mask designed to shield insanity. They vehemently proclaim that no sane person would have a fantasy team without at least one of Drogba, Malouda. It should be duly noted that we don’t endorse that opinion in any which way. We just think our football pundits are secret Russian agents planted amidst us by Abramovich.
So what we suggest to budding fantasy managers is, pick your fantasy team only after you’ve considered the musings of our friends over at NCNB. Either that, or be ready to have your sanity questioned.
*Distinguishing between psychiatrists and psychologists is beyond the scope of our seasoned staff.