Chapter 1 : The Horror

A team failing to score 52 off the last 8 overs with 6 fuc*ing wickets in hand. Not to mention the batting powerplay overs, a batsman batting on 150 and the previously completed 42 overs, from which 300 were scored.

Chapter 2 : The Depraved Selfishness

There’s no stopping India from winning. The ease of the chase is getting a bit boring. Can’t see things getting tighter though. Let the countdown to Sachin’s 200 begin. The team needs 64 and Sachin needs just 33 of those to reach 200.

I will not be able to forgive myself for not being at the (local) stadium if Sachin becomes the first batsman ever to score a 200 in an ODI.  195 and with it the world record for the highest individual score is okay but 200? no, I can’t take it.

Come on Raina, hit some! Yippee a six and a four, Sachin now needs 32 of 52. Sachin accumulates his runs with such ease that it’s equivalent to giving the finger to all the other batsmen of the world. Oh boy, how stoned would I be if AB could do something like this.

Raina on strike, Watson with the ball. Hit some more you dashing lefty, shit he’s gone. There won’t be denying Sachin his 200 now. All that Jadeja can do is take singles, what a catastrophe! Wait a minute, Bhajji’s come in ahead of Jadeja (yay). Bhajji can’t squeeze singles even if the world’s survival depended on it. C’mon Bhajji! let the flashing blade do some talking. Fuck! he’s gone too.

Friends beginning to get jittery. Doubts are creeping into their minds. Chill guys, the result’s a foregone conclusion. The only thing to worry about is Sachin getting that 200 (a whack on the head).

28 of 46. Sachin’s efficiency is going to make mincemeat of my dark desires (boohoo). Powerplay has been taken. The genius is now going to get at least 2 boundaries each time he comes on strike, damn it.

Jadeja, you little beauty. He’s scoring freely and keeping Sachin off the strike. Sachin now requires 26 of 31. Poor Jadeja, the fans are pissed at him for scoring runs. Normally, they admonish him for not doing so. Wah kya Irony. More good batting from Jadeja. He’s dashed a million hopes in that over. Sachin’s stuck on 175 and India need only 19 more. I’m one sick relieved man.

Chapter 3 : The Hypocrisy

These non-sportive Indian fans don’t deserve a victory. They don’t appreciate good cricket if it comes from the opposition. Cameron White raises his bat after his 50 and the crowd’s fallen silent. WTF!

India’s batting and the audience is now roaring for even a wide. The cheers get louder if the Aussies misfield and the cheers go bust if they pull off stunners. Terrible stuff, this is why I believe Indian crowds are not the best. Cricket crowds are not to behave like football crowds.

I don’t see myself appreciating a good shot if a South African bowler is at the receiving end and I do see myself relishing the sight of a South African batsman getting a second life. Yet, I continue to point fingers and play the blame game.

Chapter 4 : The Tribute

That’s what the rest of the batsmen did once Sachin got out. They wanted to show how class-apart the great man is and how lost they would be if he weren’t around. What better way to celebrate your 20th anniversary than by knowing how indispensable you still are for the team. Well done boys, you ran great lengths(pun intended) to achieve this one (19 from 17 to be precise).

Chapter 5 : The Aftermath

Everyone’s foot was up Jadeja’s ass. Sachin’s transfer to Ireland was being deliberated upon by the severely shattered. Sachin, the phenomenon, trended as high as 3 even in the cricket-alien world of tweetosphere.

There are a few people, whom we shall call Idiots, who keep querying whether 50 over ODI cricket and Test cricket have outlasted their shelf-life in entertainment. There are also a few “officials”, whom we shall call bigger idiots, who respond by saying “we should give people what they want and T20 is…”. Now then, if this was the way movies were made, then PG-rated, High school musicals and Tyler Perry movies would be all one would get to see.

Sachin suggested combining Test cricket and T20’s to create a 4 innings 50 over game, Jonty opined that batting Powerplays should be used up before 30 overs, Martin Crowe suggested some other ingenious remedy which caught ICC’s eye. Since sane people don’t think about fixing things unless they are broken, let us assume there is something wrong with the 50 over format. (The fact that this fault came about due to no fault of ODI’s but due to the advent of T20 cricket shall be kept aside).

The Problem-> The drudgery of nudging in the middle overs. Quick fix-> Have more than 4 fielders in the inner ring at all times. If this is harsh, then we can think about introducing “fielding pushplays”, when the fielding captain can have as few as 4 in the inner ring. Essentially, the solution proposes a batting powerplay like situation for 40 overs and restrictive field set ups for 2 slots of 5 overs each.

All this nudging was virtually not a part of the game when players like Ganguly were at the crease. If they had to take a single, the ball had to go as far as the fielder in the deep. This way even singles required genuine shots and the audience weren’t bored. Bevan was one exception at that time and he was praised for his nudgy-style. (Little did they know his style would become a bane in the coming years).

Enter a new generation of players who ran quick between the wickets, played no shots in the “traditional V” and guided the ball to third-man every other ball. As if all these skills weren’t enough an invitation to nudge (and make the game boring), the authorities decided to bring in batting powerplays which ironically, blew wind into the sails of this boring trade. Once this option came into the hands of the batting team, they promptly decided to put all their eggs in this Powerplay basket. They convinced themselves that having wickets in hand and launching an onslaught in the batting powerplay was all they needed to post a challenging score/chase down a target. With success following suit, the nudge became a prime asset and the audience in return, were left irritable and hungry for omelettes, er.. fireworks, er.. boundaries in the overs preceding the powerplay.

If you think the middle overs are boring, then it is because it has more to do with the new style of playing than with the old format. Irrespective of all this… the champions trophy did showcase some thoroughly entertaining 50 over innings like that of New Zealand over Sri Lanka and India over Pakistan. In both cases, the extended length of the format gave room for more (meaningful) momentum shifts.

p.s:- Pretend the picture’s that of Dhoni

p.s2:- For the cynics out there, no I ain’t picking on India.

I am so angry at Bhajji right now that I am writing this offline on Notepad. It’s 1:45 a.m and it’s been about 15 mins since Bhajji robbed Dravid of an innings that would have re-defined the way ignorant Desi fans looked at him. Any keen cricket observer will know, that Dravid is India’s one of the most efficient batsman in the last 10 overs, and what good chance India had even after Pathan’s dismissal.

The fact that there were 4 overs of powerplay remaining adds to the anguish. Of course all this would have been not coming hadn’t Raina played that gem of an innings. After that onslaught on Malik, all that was required was 100 from 16 overs with 6 wickets in hand! Even the Indian team of the ‘90s would have fancied that.  Ok Raina went soon after, but still 5 wickets should be plenty in this era when teams boast of batsmen like Johnson coming down at no. 8

When was the last time Yusuf Pathan dug India out of a hole with his batting? India desperately needs a more reliable batsman at no.7. Bhajji at no.8 is ok but the remaining 3 are once again hopeless. Compare us with Pakistan who have Rana Naved and Umar Gul, RSA who have Van der merwe and Steyn, Australia who have Hauritz and Lee, New Zealand who have Mills, and even England who have got the likes of Broad and Swann coming in at after no.8. RP Singh and Ishant Sharma making contact with the ball is an occasion to celebrate for us on the other hand. With the unreliable Yusuf at no.7, India can ill-afford to not have either a Praveen Kumar or a Irfan Pathan to come in later.

If India fail to make it through to the next round, then all blame squarely lies on Bhajji. Not to mention his bowling which was uncharacteristically short and wide and provided Malik with the dolliest of jobs to cut behind square for a four every single over. Still, 300 was chaseable and the way Gambhir was going about it no one missed either Sachin or Sehwag. The way he gave up on getting back to his crease even though there was time, smacks of his time spent with Sehwag

Meanwhile, Delhi Daredevils seem to be on fire everywhere in the tournament. Shoaib Malik, Gautam Gambhir, Nehra, Dilshan, Collingwood and AB have stood out already!

p.s:- Originally written (as already stated) immediately after India vs Pakistan. South Africa weren’t eliminated by then. They will be dealt with in due time in another post. So please don’t unleash your horses on the Proteas as yet.

Bolton scored not once, but twice! Bodes well for their future (or does it ? ). To hell with Liverpool’s zonal marking. How many more goals from set-pieces will it take before Rafa starts reconsidering?(Just like all the climate mishaps are blamed on global warming, all Liverpool’s defensive lapses will be blamed on zonal marking). Riera was back in the starting line-up, Babel wasn’t even on the bench, good tidings.

Arsenal were a big let down. They played as if they were intimidated. Denilson and Diaby stood out in that regard. Diaby’s performance was unpardonable. The own goal was only the proverbial cherry on the top. He disgraced himself pretty thoroughly even before that. Manchester United were no better. Their victory deserved no celebration.

Of all the teams, who would have thunk Man City will be the ones eking out narrow 1-0 wins. Arsenal up next. Good luck with the clean sheet Shay Given.

Ballack and Chelsea continue to roll. Even their weakest link Petr Cech managed a clean sheet. There was no La Liga telecast , Robben and Ribery wreaked havoc and AC Milan have become a joke.

Holy Macaroni! why did I drop him from my fantasy team player of the gameweek: Leighton Baines

Oh yeah, prediction went horribly wrong.

Take That, United

Gameweek 3’s over and Liverpool look hell bent to make a big deal about Xabi’s departure. Last rumors I heard, they were looking at bringing in one of Van der Vaart/ Arjen Robben. Those are the kind of noises I like to hear from Merseyside even though I’m no longer a reverent fan of Liverpool.

Tottenham was left out of the last post’s predictions. The way they’ve started, it would be good for BPL if they actually went on to replace Liverpool from the top four this season.

Bolton’s band of brothers rarely create chances, which means they surely can’t afford to be so wasteful. I would hate to see them get relegated. I would hate it more than seeing Arsenal fall by the wayside.

It’s real funny to see Liverpool players talk all serious about winning the league this season. That Bendtner hating bigot Paul Masefield may be beguiled by Gerrard’s words but that’s because he’s an idiot. (He had smartly predicted the Spurs to come out on top prior the Gerrard reel, but he went back).Thank God he isn’t a cricket pundit. Otherwise, he would endorse the English hallucination of having what it takes to be the number one.

I’m thinking Bendtner will score the winner in the Arsenal-Manchester United clash this weekend. Oh no, I see Bolton take on “mighty” Liverpool prior to that. Guess the band of brothers will have to wait one more week to get off the mark.

BTW, why isn’t Albert Riera playing?

Is it only a co-incidence that both the images have been of Arsenal player’s ? Yup.

Hurray! La Liga from this week-end. ESPN-STAR better telecast Real Madrid’s match.

This post has come out a bit too early in the week, feels like a Friday post.

The greatest British export since the railways, the Premier League kicked off this past weekend. For a league which saw big names leave rather than arrive, it was a decent start. Johnson didn’t need to win a penalty and Vermaelen didn’t need to score to show that they are the best new recruits for the “big 4″.

Chelsea were touted as favorites after their opening week’s display last season (You would do well to remember that their down-slide began after Xabi’s deflected goal condemned them to a long time coming home defeat). This season they were labeled as favorites even before they played their opening game. That was either due to Ronaldo’s departure or simply due to Manchester United winning  the past couple of seasons. Drogba scored twice but still managed to turn in a mediocre performance, Anelka is never the one to look awe-inspiring and Cech continues to look dodgy. Playing Ballack instead of Mikel would appease the fans of the German Captain and also inject the team with more fieriness.

Liverpool will most likely be fighting it out for the fourth position and Rafa will most likely be fired. At least, that’s the way they played against Tottenham. With no Alonso to dictate the play, they have resorted to playing like Bolton by dumping the ball up field and thereby by-passing the midfield. Lucas is as good as absent and Carragher plays like he’s the team’s only central defender.Once the ball reaches Babel the move is all but finished. Riera’s return might rectify Babel but how well can a team play with only 10 players? At the back, zonal marking continues to raise concerns.

Arsenal… no matter how many goals they score, they won’t be looked at as serious contenders. It’s intriguing how they manage to hold on to players like Fabregas, Van Persie and attract players like Arshavin, in the first place. It would be lovely to see them slugging it out with Chelsea and Man Utd towards the end of the season.

Manchester United will most probably continue to grind out results and occasionally sparkle. No way they are not going to get close to defending their title. Berbatov’s running a lot more and Evra’s going to be the biggest nuisance for the opposition’s defenders.

Manchester City will not win as long as they play Bellamy. Bellamy’s presence makes a team look like it belongs to the mid-table. Shaun Wright Phillips is, without a doubt, their best player. They would do well to notice that and develop their own local talent instead of going for an assortment of goodies. (The last para is, quite simply, not logical)

Oh dear lord!, why wasn’t he in my fantasy team player of the week-> Cesc Fabregas

p.s:- Hope Arsenal kick Celtic’s ass tonight.

Discussing a concept originating from post 90’s Zimbabwean cricket and that too resulting from an exercise with the Bangladeshis, is not what this class is for but when the concept in question dares to challenge the decade old supremacy of a Pakistani, it deserves it even more than the return of Dravid to the ODI team.

Charles Coventry looks and, dare I say, plays like an amateur cricketer (He’s a Zimbabwean, duh!). He looks in part like a librarian and in part as an Englishman from the imperialist age playing cricket against the oppressed natives. When under the helmet, he resembles Daniel Vettori not only because of the spectacles but also because of the way he keeps his mouth agape. His teeth, when visible, ruin the resemblance though.

He’s a batsman who relies more on power than on timing, more on brute than on subtle. His strong bottom hand’s a major role player and while the shots over the leg side look more like simple ugly hoicks, the shots over the extra cover look a bit more appealing.

(I came across Coventry for the first time when he was at 36 from 32. His name was the only thing that caught my attention. Little did I know then that this odd name would, by the end of the innings, end up at the top.)

The largess of the Bangladeshi spinners and the laxity of their fielders combined with the umpires’ reluctance to adjudge him LBW certainly helped the man but they are just the footnotes. The thing is he scored 194 n.o,Period . He was, at one stage, on strike at 189 with 10 more balls left in the innings. How me missed out on completely surpassing Anwar is a little mysterious from there on. What’s even more mysterious was the way his partners were nonchalant about giving him the strike. (He had to sneak in a couple of the last ball to get to 194 btw).

Coventry apparently made his test debut against the Indians in 2005 and ODI debut against the English in 2003!

John Dillinger robs banks, evades justice and on the few occasions he does find himself arrested, he escapes with consummate ease. Christian Bale fumbles around and messes about going after John Dillinger. Marion Cotillard is wooed by a fur jacket and Dillinger’s disarming honesty. Channing Tatum has barely a scene. The movie is presented like a documentary and its best part is the 30 minutes or so, after the interval. (Intervals, these days, are subject to the whims of the reel guy. So that system of pointing-it-out is futile, but nevertheless.)

The movie, first half especially, looks and feels like a documentary programme of the History Channel. There’s probably one proper background track for the entire movie and most of the time, you feel as if you are watching a shooting in progress, not the digitally enhanced finished product. Even the action scenes (in the first half) don’t look exhilarating/exciting, they look laid back. In short, the first half, due to the documentary touch, is nauseating and uninspiring. (The one genuine background score too sounds listless in the movie, it sounded much more vibrant in the trailer!)

The second half starts with a bang and is really enjoyable for a while, even if it whimpers and flatters to deceive towards the end. The tempo is much higher and the docu-nauseation is pushed to the background by some slick action, but once Dillinger returns to Cotillard, the momentum slackens and the movie descends into a void, it never recovers from.

Aren’t movies more fun when both the sides are smart ? The Director by showing the police in extremely dumb light, particularly in the final quarter, turns the film into a misfiring far-fetched design designed to please the fans of Johnny Depp.  Johnny Depp (needless to say), baby faced Nelson and Marrion Cotillard (to a lesser degree) are the bright points of the film, which lives up to its star power in only one of the four quarters. The movie’s got a rating of 6.4 over at RT, it’s more of a 6 perhaps.

[At least, Channing Tatum should have been given a bigger role.]

P.S:- The trailer of Inglorious Basterds was shown prior to the movie. Does that mean it’s going to be released in Hyderabad?!!! Fingers Crossed.

There are movies which you can say are good by just looking at a single shot. You believe there’s no way a man capable of creating that sort of magic in a single shot can fall short of his own self-created high standards in the same movie. As with everything, there are exceptions here too, like “Children of Men” for instance.

Star Trek is one of those movies which promises big right from the beginning. I liked the movie after watching the first 15 minutes itself, it was so obvious it was gonna be a great entertainer. The movie delivers plenty of action and wholesome at that too. The dialogues are well composed, well delivered and are often humorous.

The movie also goes to show that filling a ship with comedians is a fun way forward. The funny guys range right from capt. Kirk to the communications guy with the heavy Russian accent to the jumbling English Simon Pegg to the sword wielding Harold. Sylar looks at home playing the logic driven Spock and pulls off the role with elan. Going into the movie, the only knowledge I had about Star Trek was from the vague references in TBBT and Heroes. Looking back now, I believe this franchise can be the Star Wars of our generation.

The concept of time travel has always been an elusive and hard-to-like art and even though this movie does rely on it, it goes along without leaving a single trace of annoyance. Bring on the sequels please!

Energize!

p.s:-Lack of promotion and a lag of more than two months has resulted in the movie playing to half full theaters. Kick Harry in the balls and move on people.

When Dumbledore died, and all the wizards and witches raised their wands in respect towards their slain leader, I could feel the hair on the back of my neck standing up, goosebumps everywhere and even felt a shudder. Before you Potter maniacs begin to warm up to this review, let me clarify that all those feelings were due to the ridiculously low temperature settings of the AC. The movie was anything but that good.

Oops my bad. If ever there was a spoiler that was one. Seriously though, those who don’t know that fact before going to the movie shouldn’t be the least bit bothered about reading it here before watching the movie. It’s not as if I revealed the identity of Keysersoze or updated the living status of Bruce Willis.

There was not enough action. The few depictions of anything evil/scary/good vs bad confrontations were well done, but they failed to maximise that potential by instead opting to dwell more on adolescent awkward humor. The humor would have been decent had it been just an ordinary muggle movie but it’s Potter for Voldemort’s sake. Bring in the dark elements and unleash unspeakable pains on the helpless for crying out loud.

Bellatrix was as charming as Capt. Jack Sparrow in the few scenes that she was in. Evil witches are, traditionally speaking, not described as charming but shw was. In the absence of Voldemort, the movie sorely missed a formidable evil presence. Of course there was Draco looming on every balcony and in every last shot of a scene but that was more like a promise never kept.

There’s no fight even towards the end when Dumbledore dies.  Maybe Rowling didn’t pen a fight, but the director should have known better and scripted one for the sake of the movie adaptation.

Having said that all, the movie has been well received by both fans and critics all over the world. Not enough villainy and wham-bham made it a mediocre outing for me.